As I lay in bed after a long day of “finding my voice” and purchasing some Gems for healing and protection, I can’t help but debate, with the voices in my head, why some people refuse to recognize their friends ability to live more than one man at a time.
Why is it we can have numerous close or best friends that we care about and love, but not multiple intimate partners?
At the age of 45, this is not my first experience with “loving” more than one man.
And although my situation my be a bit more complicated than a “normal” poly relationship, why should I be made to feel as though I am doing something awful?
These 2 men are worlds apart in age and sexual desires, but freakishly similar in political beliefs, yet very different in religious beliefs.
Quite honestly if I could take a bit of each of them, they would be the perfect man for me.
I genuinely love them both.
Today is the younger ones birthday. He is in California visiting his mother. I had hoped to spend the day with him but I am I am in Arizona, with the older one, preparing to leave for vacation to California with him tomorrow. Confused? Don’t be. I essentially live 2 lives with 2 loves.
Where it gets confusing is I am legally still married. And yes, I still care deeply for my husband but he no longer loves me. I take some responsibility for our marriage crumbling, but he takes no responsibility.
Do I sometimes wish my life was less confusing? I sure as shit do but it’s not.
Love is complicated. Humans are complicated.
For tonight I will meditate on the thoughts of being with all those that I love.
Blessed Be.