Have you every just sat back, not meditated but just sat and listened to all the thoughts in your head? Those voices that kinda sound like you but don’t match your beliefs? Have they scared the living shit out of you?
I have been going through this for days now, actually probably 2 weeks, and I won’t lie, I am scared. I,have failed to fulfill my promise to my dogs. I have failed to keep my marriage together and I am failing at being the strong woman I once was. Rationally speaking I am likely here for a reason. A BIG reason. Probably to learn or examine what is most important to me.
In all honesty those voices are always present. Sometimes louder than others. Sometimes so loud I cannot hear the conversations going on around me. I used to think I was crazy, legitimately crazy, but as I grew older I realized it is not a sign of insanity but rather a sign of rationalization.
You see, when you have been through that I have, a person tends to either become completely self destructive or over analytical. And while I have had brief periods of self destruction, I now err on the of over analytical.